how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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