my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
