I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
