Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
