So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
