oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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