I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
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What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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