you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
