I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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