she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
