I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
