I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
