just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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