Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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