Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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