You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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