honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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