so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
