My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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