white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
