I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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