I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
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No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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