I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What drink are we having for lunch?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
