if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
everyone is single if you try hard enough
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
