he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
