I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
