i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
