I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
