New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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