physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
