oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
