areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
