i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wow bdsm is so cute
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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