This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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