I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
