my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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