is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
