You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
