i think my tv is drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
