Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
