in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
