I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
