I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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