i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
