You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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