is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
