You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
