the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
