I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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