she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
