we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
