his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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