Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I fill condoms, not promises.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
