I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
