That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
