My friends, they love my intelligence
Nicole vs. Life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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