That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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