My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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