Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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