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sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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