After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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