I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
