Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
