guys are only as good as the porn they watch
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can I color on your dick again?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
