drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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