i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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