Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
