Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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