You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize