I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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