what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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