i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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