i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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