I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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