Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
