So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
