He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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