on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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