I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
